major pain

It's like being in a Forever21 store. So much clothes. So many different colors, so many different styles to be attained and combination's to be made, so many different outcomes. So I stand, bewildered and overwhelmed. Do I like that top because it's 10 dollars or because it actually appeals to me? It gets to a point where I don't know what I like anymore. Not to mention I am chronically indecisive. I could mull over different hair conditioners for 20 minutes debating the pro's and cons before finally coming to a conclusion.

This inner battle is magnified by one hundred times when it comes to my major. It's not just what you'll be studying for the next 4 years, it's not the time spent or the textbooks that you will pour over. It's how much you will make, it's the lifestyle you choose.

I took a career aptitude test. I know that I have yet to find one area of life where I elude loads of natural talent, however I didn't expect this career aptitude test to tell me what it did. My pie graph of career aptitude was sliced into 4 or 5 categories of work, 4 or 5 slices that were exactly the same size. Well rounded? Or well on my way to having a panick attack over what major to choose.

Blood freaks me out. Remember that time last that I passed out in the movie theater during Cloverfield when that girl exploded? And how I proceeded to throw up 3 times in the snow on the way home? Sorry Dad, luv ya but I cannot be a nurse.

I am a passionate person. I need a creative outlet. I doubt people would be happy if I used their mouths as my creative outlet. Sorry Momma, I can't be a dental hygienist. Have I contemplated marrying a rich old man? Possibly. Too bad they don't have the major titled "Gold Digger" at BYU-I, ha ha.

But they do have journalism. I love to write. I love words, I love to express myself. I have some research to do, but you only live once. I have to do what I love... I can't wake up everyday and dread the hours to follow. That is no way to live. I need variety!

This whole major business is entirely hypothetical anyway. What do I really want to do? Be a stay at home mom. Maybe teach yoga a few mornings a week and design wedding dresses or something. Then the words of women throughout time echo through my head. " What if you husband dies!?" "What if your husband leaves you?!" You know, what if he doesn't?

Are we supposed to live our lives based on these negative what if factors, or are we supposed to chase our dreams and think what if I have what it takes...

Still pondering praying and thinking about all this when I'm not teaching the hooligans...

Luvs,
Kayla